Sometimes holding on, means letting go...

When Compassion and passion from a single source collide, it is with great magnitude and disruption, uprooting a sound perception of security and creating an environment that may have existed but was unrecognized or unacknowledged. A hurricane. Inevitably altering the course once securely chartered, the unfortunate reality is that those who operate on a deep enough level to anticipate and preemptively reroute, are rarely steering the S.S. Agility.

The depth of the ship may seem as deep as the ocean...dragging on the bottom, you can't steer your way out. You're feeling stuck with a dream that is bigger than your world. Relativity only comes into focus when you're no longer at the helm.  The actual truth is something of which I am aware, but unable to process - a most debilitating and frustrating thing. Of course, a choice. Still no feasible way to implement. Self imposed limitations I have not found a route around.

A compassion for others, beyond my reach, drives a passion to extend...but the compassion for those close, drives a passion to stay. The passion for children, both those in need and my own desire to experience first hand, are both quickly becoming a faint dream. Whereas previously, it seemed the pursuit of my own was a more likely prospect, again, I bottom - out. 

I have not found anyone in whom I can find reprieve and this journey is long...I have not prepared to sail this monster alone. The perfect plan to accommodate the passion AND compassion, the compassion AND passion. Blame society, intelligently designed human nature, or foolishness carried over from my youthful naivety, there is no denying it. There is no perfect plan. I live the reality daily. I fight my own imagined complexity, with my own over-stimulated logical analytics. I know I can do this, I know I can count on friends, maybe even family...I know I don't need a fully committed partner of sorts to pursue my dreams...I know i am strong.

But, sometimes holding on, means letting go. Sometimes there just IS NO balance that everyone tells you to seek. And maybe their experience of balance was only their perception of it. The eye of the hurricane. And without being able to see the entire ocean, you can only see the storm...and in a storm, you hang on for dear life to anything you can get your hands on. Until....well, until you're strong enough to not.