Out of the blue…book that is...10/8/06

So when you're so close and hovering to something you've wanted so bad and for so long ~ something you were sure would be the end ~ your "Z" ~ and you are two fingers from a padded room, do you ask yourself why? Or would that prove the justification they have in their minds to open that door, thrust you inside and feed you with plastic spoons the rest of your life? Do we call this a natural progression? Is this what God kept warning Job about?

How do I know that he sees blue as the same color as I do? Maybe his blue is my red, still we both call it blue~ So how do I not worry about something so important? I mean, there are many, many things blue defines. Important things, like this book! Oh, and the sky, too!! But seriously though, if we both operate under the assumption that what we know as blue is the same color~ and that the composition of that color is not affected by background, illumination, or reflected light from other sources...so if I am not exposed to those same circumstances, my perception of blue may create an entirely different visual sensation, therefore defining my blue as something significantly varied from his. Then we are allowing ourselves to be completely oblivious to the possibility of some major compatibility issues later on that could totally undermine the relationship ~ because if the sky isn't blue, then what is it? Light traveling through space, bumping into dust and gas molecules, reflecting in different directions, the longer wavelengths passing through and the shorter one getting absorbed by gas and radiating its blue to blanket our earth and confuse us all?

Love is not clearly and absolutely defined. Should I let it be or protect myself? Can I have great love without great risk? Is this risk real, or imagined? Is it present, but exaggerated? Maybe it's fed and attracted by its self-perpetuation. Seems like it's self-sustaining. I've overcome worse before, but have I accumulated significant strength for another bout? What if this ends up being the most refreshing, replenishing experience of my life ~ just as represented? What am I missing out on? Blind faith. Bound fear.

I am only the reflection of a Light, far away, my source of inspiration, the origin of my blue.