Out of the blue…book that is...11/18/06

Why are we always torn between what we know is right and what other people think is best for us? Is it because "people" are given too much credit as a result of our own self-doubt, questioning, or disillusionment? Do we somehow think someone on the outside, granted also rather close, still, not inside our souls, can see things more clearly because they are not "blinded" by our emotions? If it's someone who cares very deeply for us, should we trust that their intentions are pure and only protective? Or is it reasonable to believe they could also be selfishly motivated...

There is a different type of person - one which I have only run across two times in my life - my grandma and Fabian. We understand eachother, but rarely does the one we are with. We try not to think less of the person and excuse them because they just don't know, but the stress and resentment typically builds and it festers in their minds ~ again, the key point to understand on this one is what their motivation is. Additionally, will the inclusion of that person in your life hinder you from what you feel is right because you don't want to hurt them or disappoint them... Sacrifice, compassion, empathy, self-lessness - is that so terrible? Is it so hard to comprehend as a way of life? It is a lot more healthy than you'd think...

Out of the blue…book that is...11/12/06

11/7/06 (revisited)

What I'm finding is that most people think this blog is referring to my upcoming trip. In actuality, it is the grand inquisition I endure often, but especially lately, as I contemplate major life decisions.

The destination I'm referring to is whatever I choose to do with my life, generally speaking. I have a good job, a career per se, but it is definitely not what I want to do forever. I just finished my 4th interview for an internal move - I'm not sure how that will go. I am constantly re-defining my destination - always shooting for bigger/better, not necessarily in the traditional sense; rather, I ask myself, "What will make the most impact on making the world a better place? What is the greatest outlet for the compassion I feel? Will a lifetime of giving be enough to satisfy me? What can I control that will shape my destiny?".

I tend to focus on career more often than relationships. My career has always been my foundation in life. For the past 9 years at my company, it has fulfilled me more than anything else in my life. But, it fulfills me no more. I am not making the world a better place by convincing Home Depot to sell our product over our competitors offering. Sure our company contributes to many charities, but there is no personal satisfaction in that.

I address the relationship portion as my travel companion. I truly believe that God puts people in our paths that either effect change or support and edify us on our journey. The key here is that they are put in our paths. We are not supposed to abandon our destination and pursue someone else's simply because we want some company. We are to continue the pursuit of what we have determined is right for us at that moment and God will provide for our needs - even in the way of encouragement. Sometimes that means we have rivals. And when we encounter those challenges, we can not control their presence. That is their choice. Instead of getting distracted by them - I prefer to view their presence as an acknowledgement of the importance of your journey. Why would they waste their time abandoning their own future, even momentarily, to come antagonize you? I feel honored and only treat them with the utmost kindness, yet disregard anything they say or do that is meant to derail.

What will I bring to my destination? Should it be as little as possible? Should I only gather up what I need at throughout the journey to sustain me? Can I be satisfied or entertained by sentimental offerings to remind me of miles past? I'm not a fan. I'm a minimalist. Resources should not be allocated to such things, as the memory, or renewed thought has more effect in my case. On possessions I know that sacrificing the desires of the "flesh" is the most efficient approach, as any excess above what is required to sustain should be put toward the "cause". However, in my case, there are certain things that, although on the surface may look excessive, actually allow me to cross paths with persons of influence that I can consult or encourage regarding my pursued cause. Often times, "things" enable us to present more convincingly - or to outwardly personify our abilities. The reality is, we are conditioned to make judgment based on an expectation. If an individual does not present well, we assume (bad thing to do, but again, its reality) they are what the majority of other people who have presented themselves similarly represented. It is our challenge to determine which "things" are a benefit vs. which "things" are a hindrance or distraction.

Regardless of success and failure, I do believe that the journey matters. How much is a personal decision. But, the journey can make more of a difference than we will ever acknowledge when we are blinded by our drive to accomplish. Only those who pursue the same or closely similar destination can fully appreciate the impact we made. We may give them a roadmap for everything they should NOT do - but that is just as important as a roadmap that guides them through effortlessly to where we expired. They may not appreciate your struggle if it does not seemingly make their journey less challenging, but that is beyond your control. In the realization of this, resolve to be the opposite.

Do not, however, get distracted by leaving a legacy - for you will, inevitably fail at both that and reaching your destination. It is not about who we are and what we will become. That is a self-defeating attitude. It is about what we can give - making people's lives better...

"The definition of success--To laugh much; to win respect of intelligent persons and the affections of children; to earn the approbation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to give one's self; to leave the world a little better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition.; to have played and laughed with enthusiasm, and sung with exultation; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived--this is to have succeeded."

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

It is also important to accept and appreciate the gifts that God gives us. Maybe it's a day of sunlight, the embrace of a friend, or the laughing of a child. Regardless, it is to our own demise if we do not take a moment to appreciate and recharge a bit in those moments. Often times, more sustenance can be derived from those moments than anything consumable or otherwise.

Out of the blue…book that is…11/7/06

So close, but so incredibly far away. What is the destination? And if you don't know, how do you know how close you are or how far away for that matter? Is it really about the journey? If it is, then how can any proximity be relative? What if the purpose of the journey is to constantly re-determine the destination, so therefore, there is never really any destination at all – yet, at the same time, there is always a destination…

From where, then, should one derive satisfaction? Is it in each re-definition of a revised destination – assuming of course, that it is a progressive process? Or should it be in the survival of the journey for an exceptional amount of time? Maybe it's in who you gather to travel as your companion – or even as your rival ~ an accomplishment in their acknowledgement. Maybe it's about what you'll bring with you to your destination, although that must be constantly progressed in step with the revision process.

Would it be the path you forge through the unknown? The fact that your legacy remains in a place you are not? Is it in the appreciation of the wonders you encounter on your way? Maybe it's because you took your time – appreciated it all & didn't miss a thing. Maybe it's in the ability to decipher and follow a map. I guess the most important thing to me right now, is to simply keep going – never be discouraged by a stumble or roadblock.